34. Would a mid-life crisis seem appropriate at this time? I'm stuck feeling 19. But I have grown all these layers of years on the 19 year old me. But they are but flaky scales. And beneath is still the same old insecure and anxiety-driven me. Waiting for that magical moment that was promised to me by my own, confused and hazy little mind.
Supposedly, I only need to make friends with myself for everything to fall into place. But I know myself too well to be friends with someone like that. Because, how to be friends with someone who can't even be friends with themselves. Um..
My next lesson has arrived.
Seems a tough and moody one.
But those are my favourite kind of lessons.
Though they leave me detesting myself at the end of each day.
Oh God.. I wanna go home.
Wherever that is..
Tired of feeling so much. So strongly. And for no explainable reason.
Seems I can only feel magical and mystical when I am miserable.
Sadness has a strange beauty and depth to it. Like the sea on a stormy day.
Happiness doesn't do it for me.
Wish I could be happy being sad..
3 comments:
Hug. Whether it shows or not in my babbling on the web, I have changed from the person I was into the person I am and while once I cared how I appeared because I wanted to find someone who could find and know me, I think I care less than ever about how I appear or even, who I am. Maybe I've given up on the dream of finding "the one" and maybe I just gave up on humanity and maybe I just started living in the moment better than ever before.
Happy Birthday. Sad Birthday. Any birthday you wish, I wish for you. I learned to be confused about birthdays, I mean, I don't know. I celebrate every day as much as I can. It could be that I have learned how to enjoy the sadness. It is such a sad world, after all. But life, life is still amazing.
One day I would like to sit in a room with you and discuss our common views of life and everything and explore our differences too.
I've not been making time for uploading entries lately...
Still very good to read your words, even if you are sad.
Listening to be "Learn to Be Lonely" from "Love Never Dies" which has become on of my theme songs ever since the (e)thereal blog paused.
Sleeping soon.
Nite.
Living in the moment and not caring what others think about you are pretty impressive achievements. :) But if you mentioned you gave up on that dream, it means you didn't give up, otherwise you wouldn't mention it. :)
Thank you for the wishes, actually I'm already half year past my birthday but seems the mid-life crisis hit me in the recent days. Or maybe it's the solar flares.
Either way, I think I'm closer and closer to figuring out the reasons behind my constant craving and wining. Now I just have to learn how to snap out of it.
Of course, that is if I had the desire to snap out of it.
Just 5 more minutes..
Ah, wise and good to read that you are figuring some things out about yourself. Every year I learn more about me, hopefully always will. :)
I like your spin, that I didn't give up on the dream. I buy it, because it makes sense and because I continue putting words online... in case it matters.
Thanks for still being here. We'll sit and talk eventually.
Someday, in Gothenberg.
Or Copenhagen.
Or somewhere :)
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