34. Would a mid-life crisis seem appropriate at this time? I'm stuck feeling 19. But I have grown all these layers of years on the 19 year old me. But they are but flaky scales. And beneath is still the same old insecure and anxiety-driven me. Waiting for that magical moment that was promised to me by my own, confused and hazy little mind. 

Supposedly, I only need to make friends with myself for everything to fall into place. But I know myself too well to be friends with someone like that. Because, how to be friends with someone who can't even be friends with themselves. Um..

My next lesson has arrived. 

Seems a tough and moody one. 

But those are my favourite kind of lessons. 

Though they leave me detesting myself at the end of each day. 

Oh God.. I wanna go home. 

Wherever that is.. 

Tired of feeling so much. So strongly. And for no explainable reason. 

Seems I can only feel magical and mystical when I am miserable. 

Sadness has a strange beauty and depth to it. Like the sea on a stormy day. 

Happiness doesn't do it for me. 

Wish I could be happy being sad..